Remote connections

Seems I've got a remote connection to everything which is happening around me.
Is this my life? It seems to be one that I look at  through a body which feels belongs to someone else and eyes that periodically rose-tint the world, or turn it grey depending on my mood.In summary: Tis hideous being in the throws of depression.
We all get it from time to time, (someone else has described his feelings of trying to choose a knife to suit his purpose) how awful MS and depression are- like a lynch mob on a witch hunt.... I'm not wallowing in it or running from it anymore, just accepting this as a monkey on my back (little bastard) who wants to pin me down and cut off my connection to all that is real, helps massively.

What I would like to do:
Undergo medical research to isolate the genes responsible, do I want to pick up the mantle of studying microbiology again?  Perhaps. But for a different reason to the one I initially undertook ('to understand') now it would be for less academic reasons and more in the way of
" I want to nail this disease." and "I want to help others even if I cannot help myself."
I need to think on this more.

What is happening:
The monkey is hanging on.
I've been promoted in my job which I cannot fully connect to, even remotely.
I am lost in the sea of mindless chatter and the age-old question which awaits me when I go in to work hovering above me like the sword of Damocles:
"How are you!?"

Things I need to think about:
How to answer that question.
What I plan to do with my half-life.
How to rekindle lost love (it's too long a story- but relationship-wise, all is not rosy)

Today I'm going to find my Christmas baubles and festive lights and deck my halls with Buddy Holly, it's not a bad thing to do when you're remote connection has failed...I'll even sing Christmas Carols at the top of my voice and wear my mittens to do everything from the washing up to typing using my beloved Remmington- am I going mad? Remote connection failing.....

Me thinks its time to wear the tin foil hat and contact my people on Mars to come get me.
"There's no place like home...." *clicks ruby heels together*