"How are you?"

So....What say you......?

If you replied "Fine."  Naughty naughty and uh-uh... *inserts noise of getting answer wrong on family fortunes.*

You're not fine are you?
No, that's exactly what I thought. Except I didn't think, I just asked. But I had to ask, just like everyone does. Its the accepted standard greeting which means little; one which I shirk away from asking, and, answering as much as possible.

My point is: Just exactly how do you reply to the social construct "How are you?"  Its such a loaded question- but here we go, ready aim, fire.......

Tomorrow is Monday morning and Monday (for me) from start to finish, begins with this social construct of formality with little thought to the question - it's not a bad thing, but it's not  particularly helpful either. A well informed person, and one who you see regularly, to me, does not ask this question.

I will be asked this approximately 6 times before lunchtime tomorrow. After lunch, perhaps 3 or 4. After 10 times I might start shrieking and/or 'go postal' A snippet of humanity is shown and deftly slashed off as soon as the question has finished it's journey to your ear.

"Hi! How are you?"

(No, no no...please rethink that and ask something else. Anything else.)

Here are the options open to me, I will only choose one:

1. "Fine" (Bullshit.)
2. "Yes, how are you?" (Avoidance, redirection of vapid question.)
3. "Fucked to pieces, hunchbacked and cadaverous." (What I actually want to say, but cannot.)

So, how do you answer this?.... to your boss, to people you work with, people you have a meeting with, from DLA adviser to the person who scans your barcodes at the checkout. I've probably pointed something out which means little that we all respond to automatically, and that's my point, it's a auto-response, just like an 'out of office' message. We don't think this through.

There is nothing behind this question- it's an empty gesture, I want to ask you though - "How are you feeling today?" followed by a cuddle-question such as, "I'm making a cup of tea, would you like one?" with additional "there will be biscuits" thrown in for good measure :)

I just wished people would think a little differently on this........

By the way, my response....."I'm fucked to pieces, hunchbacked and cadaverous, my bones feel as though they might pierce my wet paper-bag-skin as soon as my body touches my soft billowing duvet, my knees are swollen like water-filled balloons and I  feel dead inside, cold and shriveled, suspended inside a cocoon of ruined self. And you?"

And that's how I will respond to this stupid fucking question.

If you are struggling to think of another way of showing empathy and genuine interest in the well being of another here are some alternative questions to start you off.

"Greetings I had some fucked up dream last night (ate too much cheese), what did you dream of?"
"How about that cup of tea? I'd offer you Gin but the sun's not over the yardarm yet."
" Ding dong lovely, you look great today, where did you get that?"

or, for some equally confusing questions (best if you ask the instant you see someone who will ask you that question, you will need to be quick):

"What disease did ham have to need to be cured?"
"Leonard Nimoy, Leonard Chohen, who would win in a fight?"
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?"

That should shake the tree a bit. And by God I'll be ready for anything, bring on the stupid.

URL: http://able2know.org/topic/123061-1

URL: http://able2know.org/topic/123061-1